I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
