awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
wow bdsm is so cute
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
