Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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