Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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