I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
