his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
ok first of all what the fuck
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize