my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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