he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
