ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
