ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
