ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
