she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
