Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
