Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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