im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
