Nicole vs. Life
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
