Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
