So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
