I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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