3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
