I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
