Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
