I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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