my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize