Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
