i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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