All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize