you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize