I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
