Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
