he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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