today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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