hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
