You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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