Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
