soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
zippers are such a cool invention
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
