: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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