He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
