I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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