Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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