Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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