I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
