were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
