OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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