I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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