I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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