the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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