Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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