he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Enjoy the penises
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
