Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
