i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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