this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
