pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
