I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
