I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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