We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
