remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
