hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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