is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
