no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
