thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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