My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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